Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
