He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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