Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
