Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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