fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
