I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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