now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
