Someone shit on the floor
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
