so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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