now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
