Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
