also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You ruined the universe
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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