I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
