tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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