Who did Billy Mays play for?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The air taste purple.
Randomize