Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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