I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Im part way to drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
