I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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