i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
