You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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