I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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