Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize