I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
