I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
