if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
