guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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