He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
