think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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