When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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