His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
