he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
