And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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