I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
