i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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