Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
