McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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