I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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