i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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