I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
