3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
