Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need water and some morals
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
