I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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