I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
