you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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