dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She bit a glass in half.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
