She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
should my penis look like a turkey
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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