yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
