I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
