I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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