the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
