I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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