she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
