I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
