I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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