he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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