we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize