her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
