Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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