I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
