I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize