I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
