I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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