I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
