Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
