Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
