All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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