girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
