This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
