i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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