I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
