It's like a parade of train wrecks.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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