ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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