I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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