I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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