just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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